Mystery Gift Box #034 | The Concept of The Dual Control Model and Arousal Nonconcordance in Sex

Hey friends,

When was the last time you learn / update your knowledge on sex?

For me, it was… ermmm… never. I have never explore the science behind human sexuality. But then this week, I came across a great short science video about sex by Dr. Emily Nagoski that reminded that there’s a book that I have been meaning to read but never got around to it:

Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life by Dr. Emily Nagoski.

This book is great! I learned so much from it and it has broaden my mental map on the topic of sex. There are so many things from the book I want to dive deeper and think more about but for the time being, here are two great concepts from the book:

1. The Dual Control Model

2. Arousal Nonconcordance

The Dual Control Model

The dual control model of sexual response can be used to explain how we respond to sex-related stimulus (like sights, sounds, sensations, etc). The dual control has two parts:

1. Accelerator (Sexual Excitation System)

2. Brakes (Sexual Inhibition System)

What does this means in terms of sexual arousal?

Essentially, what the dual control model is saying is that sexual arousal is all about activating the accelerator AND deactivating the brakes. This means that your level of sexual arousal at any given moment is the combination of how much stimulation your accelerator is getting AND how little stimulation your brakes are getting. But there’s one more component to consider and that is…

How sensitive are your sexual accelerator and brakes?

We all have different sensitivities of accelerator and brakes. Sensitive brakes is the strongest predictor of sexual problems; even if you have a sensitive accelerator! This finding gives us a good insight that not only do we have two systems of accelerator and brakes, they are also SEPARATE systems.

This means even if you are experiencing sex-related stimuli that turns you on a lot, if there are things that turns you off and you have a sensitive brakes, you might still experience low sexual arousal. You want to:

And here are four questions to ask yourself:

1. How sensitive is your accelerator?

2. What activates your accelerator?

3. How sensitive are your brakes?

4. What activates your brakes?

Arousal Nonconcordance

To put it simply, arousal nonconcordance states that genital response doesn’t necessarily match a person’s sexual arousal.

Arousal nonconcordance is the difference between “learning” and “liking”.

In the book, “learning” means your genital response is automatic, trained response to sex-related stimuli. And your genital response would vary depending on the sensitivity of your accelerator and brakes. “Liking” means you have pleasure and desire from it.

With the concept of arousal nonconcordance, we can address the common sex myth of Genital Response = Desire and Pleasure

If you are not aware of the concept of arousal nonconcordance, you might believe that genital response is connected to desire level. But given what we know about nonconcordance now, we know that genital response is an automatic response that you have “learned” without necessarily connected to “liking” and “wanting”.

Morning Erections

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With love,

Ryan O. 🎮

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